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dating in the present

Realizing that we need to be dating in the present and not in the past.

As of this post I am 31 years old. I have been married once and have had many girlfriends these years. I have attempted to talk to women in school, college, online, at bars, at conferences, at weddings, in line at coffee shop or grocery store, etc. I am an extrovert and will talk to almost anyone anytime anywhere. However times are changing and I’m not getting younger.

In the past the main way to meet people was through school. Over the years since I have graduated from high school and college I’ve had to change with the times and try different ways of meeting people. This is somewhat easy for an extrovert, but I couldn’t imagine how difficult it could be for an introvert.

As of the last six months I’ve taken a back seat to being extroverted when it comes to dating, essentially meaning I have not openly pursued many women I find as potential mates. I have sat back and waited for them to approach me. It has not fared well so far. In this now age of dating most women have not approached me and I am curious to why that is.

Approaching people you don’t know and trying to show them yourself is an art from to say the least. It’s pretty similar to outbound sales. You do ask much research as you can about the person prior to initial contact. You the create an “opening line”.  Hopefully not a pickup line and you move in for conversation. You read the body language, the eyes and the reactions and try to see if there is reciprocal interest. If there is, then you need to keep them interested with the real you. I say the real you because if you’re flinging bologna at them then what’s the point, right?

Next is how to continue communication at later point. Based off of the body language, their interaction and response you should be able to see if asking for a date or continued communication is a possibility.

Those were the good old days of meeting people in real life, totally not the case anymore with online dating. Online goes more like this: pick a dating site. Next is doing the dreaded filter search to find people of similar interests, in your area, and (I will totally admit this…) visual attraction!  Next comes the initial email or message (depending on the site). This is my most dreaded part because you are totally selling yourself without any body language, emotion, tone of voice or actual attractiveness (because we all know some people look better/worse in pictures than in real life, myself included. Then comes the wait. Some sites let you see if the other person has read your message, others don’t. I prefer the ones that do so I know if my message was disregarded or if they haven’t opened it yet.

Let’s say you are one of the lucky ones, the person enjoyed your message and then writes back. You are now getting a message with no body language, emotion, or tone and you have to make assumptions. It’s all a complicated mess. Next after you feel the conversation has gone well, someone needs to ask the other out on a real live date.

There really should be a better way of doing this! We need visual mixed with communication for dating to be fully effective. I think online dating is extremely flawed and needs to be rethought.

Categories: dating, general

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